Family Communication Resources

TALKING POINTS

Stop, Listen and Talk with Teens about Sex

Why is it important for parents to talk with teens about sex?

Kids make better decisions about sex when they have all the information they need and when there are no taboos on what they can talk about at home.¹
Research shows that most teenagers wish they could talk to their parents about sex.²
Medical research and public health data tell us that when young children want information, advice and guidance, they turn to their parents first. Once they reach the teenage years, they tend to depend more on friends, the media and other outsiders for information. As a parent, you have a wonderful opportunity to talk with your child about these issues first, before anyone else can confuse your child with incorrect information or explanations that lack the sense of values you want to instill.³

Will talking about sex make teens want to have sex?

No. Many parents fear that talking about sex will make their teens want to have it. But studies show that the teenagers whose parents talk with them about sex are more likely to wait longer to begin having sex and to use contraception when they do begin. The teenagers who are the most sexually active are usually the ones who know the least about sex.⁴
No. Teens are going to have sex when they want to. A recent survey showed that 56% of American teenage girls and 73% of American teenage boys have had sex by their 18^th birthday.⁵

When is the right time to talk with teens about sex?

Talking with children about sex is not a one-time event: it is a life process that will evolve as children grow. Children need to talk at different times about different sexual topics.⁶
Pay attention to teachable moments that occur throughout the day and can trigger important conversations. For example, use events that happen on your teen’s favorite television show to begin conversations about sex.⁷

Why is it so important to ensure teens’ access to confidential reproductive health services?

Family planning services help prevent unwanted pregnancy and transmission of sexually transmitted disease including HIV/AIDS and hepatitis. Fear of parental knowledge or abuse often deters adolescents from seeking family planning services and medical care.⁸
Studies have found that twenty-one percent of unmarried minors who obtain prescription contraceptives at family planning clinics would not do so if parental notification was required.⁹
The National Family Planning & Reproductive Health Association believes that if one service at a family planning clinic requires parental consent or notification, that some teens may be disinclined to seek other services at the clinic as well. If true, then young people might not obtain the counseling needed to help them avoid unwanted pregnancies. Other teens might not seek medical attention for a suspected HIV or other sexually transmitted disease.¹⁰
Confidential family planning services and counseling programs need to be universally accessible to teens before they become pregnant. The only real solution is education --about sex, reproduction, contraception, health risks of teen pregnancy and childbirth, and the responsibility of child rearing.¹¹
Even if you have a great relationship with your teen, you can’t always predict how they’re going to behave. In 1988, a 17-year-old woman named Becky Bell tried to get around Indiana’s parental consent law because she did not want to hurt and disappoint her loving parents by revealing her pregnancy and abortion to them. She died tragically and needlessly from an illegal abortion.

Why shouldn’t teens be required to come to their parents before they seek reproductive health services?

Most young women find love, support and safety in the home and they involve their parents in decisions about their reproductive health. In fact, 61% of teens voluntarily bring parents into their decision to terminate a pregnancy.¹² Many, however, justifiably fear that they would be physically or emotionally abused if forced to disclose their pregnancy. Often young women who do not involve a parent come from families where government-mandated disclosure could have devastating effects.¹³
Parental consent/notification laws hamper the willingness of minors to seek medical care for conditions affecting their reproductive health. Although states generally require a parent's permission before routine medical treatment, all states have laws that guarantee confidential health services for intimate matters such as sexually transmitted diseases, drug or alcohol abuse, contraception, prenatal care, and AIDS.
The American Academy of Pediatrics stated that, "Legislation mandating parental involvement does not achieve the intended benefit of promoting family communication, but it does increase the risk of harm to the adolescent by delaying access to appropriate medical care."¹⁴
The American Medical Association noted that because "the need for privacy may be compelling, minors may be driven to desperate measures to maintain the confidentiality of their pregnancies. They may run away from home, obtain a ‘back alley’ abortion, or resort to self-induced abortion. The desire to maintain secrecy has been one of the leading reasons for illegal abortion deaths since …1973."¹⁵

¹ Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc., Sexuality Guides for Families, "What Should I Tell My Kids?" www.plannedparenthood.org
² National PTA, "Talking With Your Teen About Sex", May 1995.
³ "How to Talk to Your Kids About Anything" www.talkingwithkids.org
⁴ National PTA, "Talking With Your Teen About Sex", May 1995.
⁵ Schaefer, Charles E., Ph.D., and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo, M.Ed., How to Talk to Teens about Really Important Things, p. 96, Josey-Bass Publishers, San Francisco, CA, 1999.
⁶ Dona Caine, www.familytalks.com
⁷ Kunter, Lawrence, Ph.D., "Let's Connect: A Guide to Communication Friendly Parenting", www.philipsconsumer.com/letsconnect
⁸ American Public Health Association Fact Sheet, www.apha.org
⁹ Ibid.
¹⁰ Religious Tolerance.org, "Parental Consent/Notification for Teen Abortions: Pro and Con", www.religiostolerance.org
¹¹ Campus Association for Reproductive Rights, Carnegie Mellon University, http://www.contrib.andrew.cmu.edu/org/carr
¹² Henshaw, SK, Kost, K. "Parental Involvement in Minors' Abortion Decisions" 24 Family Planning Perspectives, 196-207, 213 (1992).
¹³ Ching-Tung Wang and Deborah Daro, "Current Trends in Child Abuse Reporting and Fatalities: The Results of the 1997 Annual Fifty State Survey" National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse (1998); H. Amaro, et al., "Violence During Pregnancy and Substance Abuse," 80 American Journal of Public Health, 575-579 (1990).
¹⁴ American Academy of Pediatrics, Committee on Adolescence, "The Adolescent's Right to Confidential Care When Considering Abortion," 97 Pediatrics, (1996).
¹⁵ American Medical Association, Council on Ethical and Judicial Affairs, "Mandatory Parental Consent to Abortion," 269 Journal of the American Medical Association, (1993).